True Statements My Neighbours Could Make About Me.

As seen on Flamingo Pink!

I’ve been a homeowner for nearly two years now and it recently occurred to me just how much I’ve noticed about my neighbours.

  • The man across the street is the ultimate people watcher. He hangs out in the front yard all day just waiting for someone to pass by so he can wave. I have to be careful not to be too friendly though because he loves helping people out. And don’t get me wrong — I love a helping hand with yard work, but he’s kind of a Stage 5 clinger.
  • The old lady next door is the cutest person I’ve ever met. Her name is Beatrice Wales and she belongs in a Harry Potter book. (I’m convinced she has powers.) She sits on her front porch every afternoon, except for Tuesdays when her daughter picks her up to go on an outing. (Probably casting spells together.)
  • Less exciting would be the couple next door whose dog gets out daily. I just put him back. (But sometimes think about letting him come inside my house.)

I started thinking about what my neighbours may have noticed about me. I can safely conclude that these would all be true statements:

  • Every day at 4pm Summer comes home and puts Enrique Iglesias’ “Escape” on Apple TV and blasts it while doing dishes. This is always followed by “Hero”.
  • Summer talks to her dogs a lot. She also talks to the TV and to any electrical appliance in the house.
  • Summer uses her dryer almost daily. She hangs clothes out on the line when her husband is watching, but when he leaves; she puts the clothes in the dryer. (So not Australian…)
  • Summer has a routine. On Mondays and Thursdays she watches Embarrassing Bodies. On the weekends, she watches Rom Coms from the 90s. I’d bet she roll plays Meg Ryan and Tom Hanks with her husband.
  • Summer used to drink a lot of wine. But now she doesn’t. She’s either pregnant or finally getting help.
  • Summer sometimes raises her voice at her husband. She is usually complaining about not having enough food options in Mudgee.
  • Summer once called the cops because she thought there was an intruder in her backyard. It was my cat. I didn’t say anything.
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