I’m going to use the excuse that giving birth made me not able to hold my bladder at the Vegas Britney Spears concert, but to be honest, it might have also been utter excitement.
On Fri, October 17th, Britney took the stage at Planet Hollywood and changed my life. Everything about her and her show was phenomenal. As I stood front row dressed in a full on Hit Me Baby One More Time school girl outfit, my jaw hung open and my mouth went dry as I watched in utter awe of the force of nature that is Britney Jean.
When I wasn’t lip synching along with her every word, I was concentrating on my bladder and how badly I needed to pee. (Damn that giant Britney souvenir cup filled with vodka and soda water!) We were probably only half way through when I felt my pee start to warm my underwear and trickle down my thighs. (My Kegel excercises were clearly not working.) I considered dashing to the bathroom, but I was FRONT ROW IN A PIT FULL OF PEOPLE. Not to mention, I desperately wanted to catch some of Britney’s sweat from her next dance move. There was no way I could forfeit my spot in the Splash Zone.
But my urethra was throbbing. I let out a little more pee. (There may have been more than a little.) As I awkwardly looked to see if my pee streams were visible, I immediately stopped questioning my decision to wear a costume that night and became beyond grateful for my conveniently high knee socks which also happened to be surprisingly absorbent. They unknowingly saved the floor and bystanders’ ankles from my pee.
Even though my socks and shoes were completely soaked, I still felt like Austin Powers and needed to continue the “evacuation.” (I might have set a new world record for most amount of pee in one human at a Britney Spears concert….)
When Britney sat down to sing Perfume I made the ridiculously hard decision to sprint to the bathroom and let my vagina muscles completely surrender. 1. I really felt like I still had enough pee to run the Bellagio fountain show. And 2. Figured if Britney was resting then I should take care of myself too. I asked my friend to fight for my spot and set off on a mission. I literally ran like a Kenyan marathoner all the way to the bathroom and didn’t even bother taking off my undies because they were already soaked and I desperately needed to save time.
When I got back to the pit, I was magically gifted my spot back and was able to make it through the rest of the concert without losing any more bodily fluids. I left feeling inspired. Like I could truly accomplish anything that I worked hard for. I also had some light chaffing.