The time the ground ate my mom.

AS SEEN ON FLAMINGO PINK!

Three weeks ago I had a baby we named Daisy. Which meant my other baby, Cooper, (our amazing dog) hasn’t had as many adventures as he normally does. Since the weather was at a cool 19 degrees this morning, I decided that Daisy could go in my Ergo Baby carrier and out for a bit. (Any hotter and she might have drowned in my boob sweat.)

My mom Donna, Daisy, Cooper and I headed out to our friend Trina’s winery- Botobolar Vineyard.  I’ve spent the past 9 months walking out there with Daisy in my uterus because Cooper can run free and swim in their giant dam. Unfortunately my three-week break allowed for a lot of things to change at Botobolar.

First of all- the grapes are back which is beautiful. However, so are the flies. I kept trying to will my pony tail to act as horse’s tail and swat my face, back, teeth, elbows, wrists, shins, thighs, and ass crack because those fu*@ers were EVERYWHERE.

After blowing the 11^th fly out of my nose, we all made it to the dam. Cooper ran straight into the water. However, it was MUCH lower due to a lack of rain. Suddenly I panicked because Cooper looked like he was getting stuck. He was paddling but not getting anywhere. Since I had Daisy strapped to my body, Donna volunteered to go and save Cooper. In the blink of an eye Donna was HIP deep in mud. The shoreline appeared to be solid but was definitely NOT.

Donna’s leg disappearing act happened so fast. And of course Cooper was able to save himself and immediately began to circle Donna.  (So much for needing our aid.) I wanted to go and help, but I couldn’t stop laughing. And I also had more important things to do- like get my phone out to document the entire thing. Instead Trina managed to get down and anchor herself at a safe distance to lend a hand. Donna hesitantly reached out her mud-covered fingers, but knew that Trina couldn’t offer the strength of a crane.

And this entire time I’m laughing and trying not to pee. But I failed because again, I just had a baby and things just aren’t the same yet. However, I just didn’t feel like my pee stained leggings were an issue compared to Donna’s mud bath.

I watched Donna regroup, inhale and then slowly work her way out of the mud. It was as if the core of the earth was trying to swallow her whole. I admired her tactic to pace herself and slowly wiggle out. Finally free she crawled up to actual solid ground and had a good laugh herself.

Once we got back to Trina’s house, Donna hosed herself off and we put a towel down in the car. (I tried to get her to ride in the back with Cooper so that I could take more pictures….) But no, she sat up front with me and expressed her true concern that we might have had to get an actual crane to help her out. She said she felt like one of those horses you see on the news that gets stuck and need an entire fire department to save them. Luckily, Donna summoned her inner strength and was able to escape the mud’s wrath. Daisy slept through the whole thing.