The Most Uncomfortable Children's Book You'll Ever Read

As someone who writes freely about their vagina, bowel movements and sexual history, you would think that I’d be able to make it through the classic children’s book, There’s A House Inside My Mummy by Giles Andreae & Vanessa Cabban, without turning 50 shades of red, vomiting in my mouth and then burying my head in my daughter, Daisy’s, stuffed animal basket. First of all, I need to clarify that this is an amazing book and has massively helped prepare Daisy for the arrival of her little brother. I highly recommend it.

However, I DON’T recommend reading it out loud in front of other parents or in any public setting. Why? Because of the second to last page. We’ve just been taken on a child’s emotional journey when he learns his mother is pregnant with his younger sibling. His dad explains all about “mummy’s tummy house” and how the baby is growing inside. Then he drops this bomb:

“I just can’t wait to meet him

I hope that he’s all right,

My daddy says be patient

As his door is rather tight.”

And now we all have an image of a tight vagina in our minds. Thanks, Giles & Vanessa. The actual image of a vagina doesn’t bother me. It’s the word “tight” that does. Kind of like the words “moist” and “p-ssy.” (Which I can’t even bring myself to type out.) Which reminds me of another children’s book I blush whenever I read – The Owl and the P-ssycat. I know I’m acting like a 12-year-old with a kid named “Fanny” in her class, but I seriously can’t handle these books. What about you? Any children’s books that make you want to say #OMGNOSTOP?

Click here to watch There’s A House Inside My Mummy being read on YouTube if you think you’re ready for this jelly.