The New Oldies.

When I was a kid, I used to LOVE when my mom would take us to Naples, Florida to visit our grandparents. As soon as we were south of Tampa, we’d switch the radio to the Golden Oldies station (aka the Mouldy Oldies) and listen to Frankie Valli, The Supremes and Annette Funicello sing about rag dolls, love and beach parties. I loved that Donna knew every word to every song.

Now that I’m a mom, I always wonder if Daisy will love what I now consider, “Oldies.” The list I’ve compiled in my head (and below) is starting to feel wildly inappropriate for a small child’s ears. Maybe Daisy will think I’m a “Cool Mom.” Or maybe she’ll just have more to talk about with her therapist when I drop her off at school while singing Eminem’s, “White America.”

The New Oldies Playlist

1. Petey Pablo, “Raise Up.”

Nothing is more nostalgic to me than the sound of Petey Pablo telling my teenaged self to take off my shirt and twist it round my head like a helicopter.

2. Eminem, “Superman”

You high, Baby? YEahhhh

3. Britney Spears, “Touch Of My Hand”

Britney normalized masturbation for a lot of people, and that should be shared with our youth.

4. City High, “What Would You Do?”

How else would I know what “smoking rock” is?

5. Salt-N-Peppa, “Shoop”

Singing this at my family reunion when I was 8 was actually a huge hit. Nothing is cuter than a blonde girl unknowingly singing about dick.

6. TLC, “Red Light Special”

I’ll let you touch it, if you like to go down. (Totally helped me learn where my vagina is.)

7. N*Sync, “Digital Get Down”

I’m going to argue that this is a really important song for people in long distance relationships.

8. Dixie Chicks, “Goodbye Earl”

Lesson: You should murder your friend’s husband if he beats her up. #Truth

9. 50 Cent, “In Da Club”

I’m sorry but my only regret is that I didn’t play this in the delivery room when Daisy was exiting from my womb.

10. And of course, Eminem’s, “White America”

Modern day poetry.