AS SEEN ON FLAMINGO PINK!
You know that moment where you’ve been holding your bladder for so long that you can no longer hold a conversation on the phone? The tight clenching renders you helpless to form words. Thoughts of flowing rivers are the opposite of what you need. You must focus on only two things: keeping the flood gates closed and where the nearest toilet is. (Damn that third refill of Iced Tea.)
After six hours in the car with my mum, Donna, and baby, Daisy, the other day, I arrived at my sister, Emily’s house. I was greeted with her three beautiful children laughing and excited to meet their new cousin- sweet Daisy!
I hugged necks and tried to be cordial – but really, I needed to pee. I basically threw my eight month old child in the arms of my sister and spastically shouted that I NEED TO USE THE TOILET. As I raced towards the nearest bathroom I heard my nephew, Woody, yell out for me.
“Summer! Summer!” He yelled as I fumbled with my zipper.
Panicking because I felt my urethra bursting I shouted back, “Just one second, honey.”
Finally! My zipper was down and my pants were at my ankles and my urine was hitting the water and there truly was World Peace.
For about 12 seconds.
Something didn’t feel right. I was wet. Did I pee with the seat down? (I’ve done that before…) No. The wetness was only on my on my thighs. And butt.
I then heard Woody yelling something: “I…. I peed on the seat.”
Yeah he did.
My butt and thighs were covered in 9-year-old boy pee. When I stood up, his well hydrated (seriously so clear I didn’t see it!) wee streamed down the backs of my knees. I worked desperately to dry myself off while internalising my feelings. He’s lucky that he’s family. And particularly cute.
As I wiped his pee and then my own, I shouted “Woody! You’re so gross!!!!”
I heard him laughing as I flushed and came out. He grinned and explained, “I TRIED to tell you!!!”
But why! Why had he peed on the seat and just left it? It wasn’t like he was trying to trick me – I mean he tried to warn me! If only I had been able to have that conversation BEFORE I sat down.
That’s why it’s important to always listen to children. Even when you desperately need to pee – chances are they can save you from a golden…bath.