I auditioned for a KFC commercial. It did not go well.

When I was 17, I moved to LA to achieve ultimate stardom. The only thing I achieved was multiple food orgasms and 20 pounds courtesy of In-N-Out burger chain. A few years later…and I’ve decided to get back into the acting world. Since I live in Australia and LA ain’t exactly driving distance, I went to Sydney to seek representation.

Ms. Agent liked me, but by minute two she had already shot down my hopes of winning an Australian Oscar (Oscah?) by explaining that my American accent would be a big problem. She did have a point. The Australian accent is incredibly hard to duplicate. (I mean, if Meryl Streep can’t do it, no one can.) Thankfully she said that she had some non-speaking commercials coming up that I could go out for. I left feeling hopeful and excited to start playing dress up again. Even if it were for tampons or fried chicken.

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