God Bless You Red Solo Cup
This story was told to me by one of my friends. I have taken the liberty of making it a blog post for her since she is busy having a real job that doesn’t involve writing about Solo Cups.
I was at a keg party during my freshman year of college. It was that glorious time in life where girls go to the bathroom together and it’s not weird. However, for some very strange reason (Mars must have been in retrograde,) I went to the bathroom alone. Expecting just to pee out the enormous amount of Natural Light beer I had consumed, I was a little surprised when a nice big #2 slid out with little effort. When I went to wipe, I couldn’t find any toilet paper. Drunk and wobbly with my pants down, I checked under the sink and in the closet. (Standard Dude’s house.) The only thing I could find beside some questionable towels was a pack of wet wipes. In my inebriated state, I forgot that you can’t flush wet wipes. The toilet was clogged with my poop and about five ever absorbent wipes.
Just like in the movies – someone knocked on the door. “Just a second!” I yelled over blaring early 00s music while staring at my mess. How on earth was I going to get out of this situation without publicly humiliating myself?? And then I remembered my beer. I took one last sip and used the empty red Solo Cup to scoop out my poop and wipes. Since I had come so far, I did what any upper class white girl at college would do – I walked back out into the party and across the campus with my poop in my Solo Cup down by my side.
Can I get a #WoooooCollege?
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